I am messy

If you are looking for scissors, glues, white out, sticky notes, stapler,ruler, tape, and pencils they will be on the top right drawer on my desk near my room door inside a blue box. Except the stapler, sticky notes, and pencils are placed neatly in front of the blue box, and the ruler is on the side. If you are looking for papers (blank, lined, colored), they will be two drawers down from where the scissors, glues, white out, sticky notes, stapler, ruler, tape and pencils are. If you are looking for colored pencils, markers, and crayons it’ll be on the top drawer of where the papers are. The skinnier rectangular drawer (the one on the very top left of the scissors, glues, white out, sticky notes, stapler,ruler, tape, and pencils drawer ), should never be opened unless I’m asking you to grab something.

 

Weak corny spiel

I think I got it all figured out… I think. I am going to try and be more positive about life and focus on the good things rather then the bad. Over the pass couple of years (maybe more), I learned that the more you keep setting yourself up to failure, the more likely it is to happen thinking about all the ways you could screw up rather than succeeding, doubting all the things you want in life, having the mantra that you can’t do it because you’re either afraid, not ready, or not willing to put enough effort into it just makes you weak.. as.. fuck. I don’t like this corny spiel that I’m typing out, but this is a blog where I get to express myself, and right now I’m feeling infinite.

Maybe the reason why I’m typing this up is because I’m in a really good mood; can you tell? But hopefully, with this corny spiel, I’ll come back to this entry and remind myself that I am not weak.

I’m too lazy to be alive

I don’t want to go to college, so I chose a career that would pay a decent living for just receiving my associates degree. The winning career is Dental Hygienist. However, I am now just figuring everything out, and it may take a little more than 2 years until I actually start working in the field. I am so lazy to do anymore schooling than just two years that I’m just about ready to give up. I have no strength in my body to care. I’m becoming worn out, so if you’re wanting to kidnap me, go ahead, I won’t both fighting back. Just treat me how I want to be treated and do everything a lady fantasizes.  

I’m 18

Since last week I’ve been feeling depress. It’s getting a little better now, much more better than last week, but it’s still here. To me, I’ll feel like I’m always sad, so I think it’s normal for the way I act sometimes: spacing out on life, not really talking, ignoring people, finding it hard to communicate with emotions, cry softly behind doors, just basically shutting myself out. But there’s days where i’ll have really bad days and what I go through is worse. I think the reason to why it gets worse is because I’ll think of something that leads to another, and to another that will keep triggering my sadness, making me feel very lonely and small. 

I tell myself that I’m okay because there are people out there who are also feeling the same way as me, and is probably doing worse. But I don’t know, it doesn’t really help. I’ll tell myself that it gets better down the road, but a thousand miles later, I’m still the same. Sometimes I wonder if this thing I feel will ever go away. Because I can’t live all my life feeling like this, it hurts. There’s so many years ahead of me, and that scares me.